By: Monte Knox
Christmas is almost upon us, and you know what they say about opinions…everyone has one. I’ve only seen A Christmas Story once and really didn’t think it was all that great. At no point does it deserve a 24 hour marathon on TBS, or any channel for that matter. While I agree that most of the movies Dooley’s Cane listed are Christmas classics…here are a few more that need mentioning.
Full disclosure: If Jingle All the Way hadn’t already be listed…it would be on this list as well.
5) Rocky IV
The Italian Stallion fights for more than pride in the fourth installment of the Rocky series. Rocky’s good friend Apollo Creed is well past his prime, but accepts the challenge of facing Soviet superstar Ivan Drago. Creed is killed during the fight, and Rocky swears vengeance. He begins training in Siberia, using old school methods instead of steroids like the Soviet machine. The epic battle takes place in Moscow on Christmas Day. Rocky defeats Drago, ends the Cold War, gets revenge for Apollo….and ensures Santa is able to deliver gifts to boys and girls all across the globe. Okay…I may have made that last part up, but Rocky IV is a great Cold War era Christmas flick.
4) Elf
Will Ferrell, James Caan and Zooey Deschanel star in this goofy Christmas film about a human boy raised at the North Pole as an elf. Ferrell goes to New York to find his father, Caan, who couldn’t be more angry that his “son” is some goofy adult dressed as an elf. I particularly like the fact that Caan still acts as if he’s in The Godfather, as he’s generally angry about life in general. I’d also like to point out that this movie came out before Anchorman, and is almost as funny. Ferrell stopped being funny right after Anchorman, I’d argue Talladega Nights and Stepbrothers are really Ferrell’s only movies after Elf that are actually funny.
3) How the Grinch Stole Christmas
What a classic! This movie is iconic as A Christmas Carol. I mean just think about today…when you find a person that hates Christmas, they’re either a scrooge or a grinch. This is a feel good movie about a guy that hated Christmas, stole all the gifts in Who-ville, and finally realized that Christmas is much more than just gifts and dinner. This is a lesson that is still applicable today, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas needs to be viewed by every Black Friday shopper before they risk life and limb for $10 off an iPad at Best Buy.
2) Die Hard
Die Hard is easily the most underrated Christmas film of all time. It’s one of two movies that I have to watch on Christmas Day. Bruce Willis fights off terrorists at his wife’s company Christmas party. What more could you ask for? Yuletide Carols, a sleazy “yes-man”, Bruce Willis with a gun in his hand and Professor Snape acting as a terrorist who has the worst look on his face when he falls from Nakatomi Plaza. Did I mention Carl Winslow is in it too?! Die Hard should be in everyone’s top 10 movie list…and it clinches my number two spot for best Christmas movies.
1) Christmas Vacation
By far the greatest Christmas movie ever made. If you disagree you either haven’t seen it, or are a moron. I will watch this movie 5 to 10 times during the Christmas season, and can quote the entire movie…which brings me to my next point, this movie has to be the most quoted Christmas movie of all time. From Cousin Eddie’s shitter being full, to Clark Griswold being at the threshold of hell, this movie is full of great quotes. The Vacation series are all hilarious, and I’d argue that this is the best of the bunch. I’ll leave you with this great quote about the holidays, straight from Wally-World’s biggest fan…”I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”
Thoughts from the Nosebleeds 